Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You took a bar mat shot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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