True but thats because hes a fetus.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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