now i know why i became what i already was.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
