Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
