So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
