bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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