i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
