i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
