I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
