i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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