Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
