he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
