I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
