addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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