shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
