I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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