I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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