Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
