She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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