you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
