a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
