hell yes lets make some ravioli
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
