so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
