Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
