Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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