I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
