In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
