everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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