I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
