You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
