i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
