Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
