I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drake has all the answers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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