I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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