is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
