i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
