Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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