butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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