Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
