sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
