Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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