Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
