it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize