U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
