ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
where does the pee come out of this thing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
