this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
