What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
