I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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