I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
