areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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