Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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