Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
