On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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