3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
