Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
