i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
