two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
