the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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