Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
