I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
