three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
