Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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