Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
