This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
