dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
