I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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