smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
