i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
