he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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