We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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