its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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