The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
