The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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