Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
