On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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