I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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