you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This baby is an asshole
It's blow job season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
