Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
