Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
